Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
