youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
