So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
