I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
