Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
