it's too hot outside to masturbate.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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