when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
