how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just found a bag of teeth...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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