i think my mom watched the whole time
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
