She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
