Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
