I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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