so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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