you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
it's like iHOP with fire
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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