I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
