We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
