we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
dude. I can hear the air.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
