he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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