My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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