never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
