I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
