don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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