idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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