I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
