I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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