im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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