True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
