I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
