I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I need a burrito and a hug.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
