The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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