Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
