I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.