As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
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Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
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Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student