Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap