I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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