I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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