just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
