She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
