News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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