Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
