I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
