New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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