Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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