The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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