There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
