At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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