I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
