dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
