So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
