bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
