all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
