We won't sleep together?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
