I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
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I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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