worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
