so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
