My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
