After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
