and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
